Dating Tips 101: Several steps to Take to Make Sure It’s Real

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There are never any guarantees when it comes to relationships and love.  But there are certainly some steps that you can take to make the odds work out a little more in your favor.  If you are looking for more than a hook up and want someone who will respect you, there are certain things that you shouldn’t do.  Of course, there are exceptions to every rule and what works for some might now work for others.  But in my experience, if you want to ensure that he is spending time with you out of genuine interest and a desire to get to know more about you, you should not:

GO TO HIS HOUSE/HAVE SEX WITHIN THE FIRST FEW DATES:  I’m not going to give a set amount of time that you should wait before having sex, but if it is the beginning of the relationship, having sex can send out the message that you just want to have fun.  He may very well still try to pursue you after that, but what if he doesn’t?  Often times, men stop putting in as much effort after they get the goods.  There is no longer anything for them to work for.  Your body is the golden ticket and gives the man something to work towards, an incentive.  Don’t let him have dessert before the main course. If you hold out and sex was all he wanted, he will surely fade away.  This can hurt, but at least you still have your dignity.

COME OUT OF POCKET:  The same idea lies here as with the first rule.  A man who isn’t looking for anything serious is not going to continue taking you out and paying for your dates.  Especially if you are not having sex yet.  When you allow a man to pay, you get a pretty good sense of how serious he takes you and what his true intentions are.  This has nothing to do with being a gold digger or getting a “free meal”.  As women, we have to keep our guards up and it is so hard to tell when a man wants to be with you or when he just wants a hook up.  This is one of the most surefire ways to see where his head is.  If he genuinely likes you, treating you to dinner or any other date you go on will not be an issue to him.  I have had men tell me that a woman should never come out of pocket in the beginning because this sets the tone for the rest of the relationship.  Men are creatures of habit, if you start paying in the beginning it will most likely be expected every time. This will also make him think that you have lower standards as far as what you expect from him. Once a relationship has been established, there is nothing wrong with taking turns and treating your man once in a while, but that is once you are secure and know where you stand. I have had guys ask me out on a date and then ask if I can pay for myself.  When I said no, they cancelled on me.  It sucks but at least now I know where his mind was.

DISCLOSE TOO MUCH INFORMATION:  It’s not a good idea to give too much information in the beginning  about all the men that have hurt you or used you.  Telling a guy that hasn’t yet gotten to really know you that all of your exes cheated on you or used you will certainly raise a red flag.  He might wonder why you are always getting cheated on or think you are a common factor each time.  He might wonder why it was so easy to take advantage of you.  Allow him to get to know the real you first and then you can disclose past experiences little by little and vice versa.  Make sure he opens up to you as well.  Don’t allow yourself to be vulnerable too early on.


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