A Change For The Better

I am so happy for my son. I transferred him to a new school a couple of days ago because of ongoing issues at his old school (which I spoke about in my last entry) and a lack of follow up or problem solving from his school.

This new school reminds me of what a school is really supposed to be. It reminds me of my elementary school that I attended in Brooklyn. My son came out smiling and happy when I picked him up this afternoon and I haven’t seen that in a very long time. At his old school he was always upset, anxious and angry when I picked him up. 

My mom had to pick him up yesterday after school because I was at work. He called me from her phone and one of the first things he said was “yeah, they have an auditorium with seats for us to sit on!” At his old school, the lunchroom was also the gym and the auditorium. He said they were given a little bit of down time to paint and use the computer which was great to him. He works really well when he isn’t hovered over and when given a chance to transition from one activity to the next. His old school took all of the fun out of learning and felt like a school prison. I’ve heard other students say that they don’t like going to school there because staff is “mean” and I’ve heard parents who attended the school when they were younger say that the school “isn’t what it used to be”. They said back in the day, the school had carnivals and fun activities, which no longer take place. They have a carnival day that takes place in the cafeteria, of course, and it is very low budget and boring. My son asked to go home after ten minutes. The school treats students and parents more like robots than people. I did not feel comfortable or welcome whenever I would go to the mai office for whatever reason. I felt the administration spoke in a condescending manner and reacted to everything as if they were reading out of a manual. 

It’s only the first week at the new school so it’s too early to be overly optimistic but I already have a better vibe within these first few days than I ever did at his former school in the five years he was there.

Anti-bullying where?

I usually don’t post anything too personal on this blog. But there is something that has bothered me so much recently and it has gotten worse every passing week. 

My son is an upper elementary school aged child. There are a group of boys that he has been in class with since kindergarten. These boys have been frenemies from the beginning. Sometimes they like each other and sometimes they don’t. One day they are friends and the next day they are enemies and calling each other names. This last year in particular, however, it has gotten increasingly worse, to the point that I am getting called by the school at least every two weeks, sometimes more, regarding escalating incidents between these boys and my son. 

My son is no angel and I have reprimanded and spoken and yelled at him and punished him plenty of times for his part in the situation and for his wrong doing. I’ve told him that if a child says something to him that bothers him, then he should tell a teacher because we don’t want it to escalate. He has had an increasingly hard time dealing with the stress. 

He was seeing a social worker at the school to discuss coping strategies. He had two different social workers, the first was an older woman who had a very calming demeanor about her and my son took to her very well and enjoyed meeting with her. She retired and was replaced with another social worker, a male in his 30’s, whom my son also liked very much and looked forward to meeting with.
This yeat, however, he was switched to a guidance counselor because they said the social worker is reserved for more intense and behavioral students. My son didn’t warrant a social worker. So he was scheduled to meet with the guidance counselor every week. From the beginning, my son disliked her. He said she was “mean” to him. He said if she asked him a question and he didn’t give the right answer, she would yell at him and get frustrated that he didn’t respond with the term she was looking for. Every time he has session with her, he came home more stressed that he was before meeting with her. 

I contacted the school and requested that he not meet with her anymore because it wasn’t effective and was making the situation worse, actually. I knew it wasn’t just my son being defiant because he loved the other two social workers and never complained the three years he went to session. 

The school was adamant that I keep him in the guidance sessions and said they had no alternate counselor. He couldn’t go back to meeting with the social worker because he had no room in his schedule. My son was pulled out from class again after I requested that he not be. I then took him out early from school the next time he was scheduled and told them that I demand his IEP be revised and I put it in writing so it could not be ignored. 

They did remove guidance from his IEP and gave two alternate outside resources for me to call. The first told me that my son wasn’t yet old enough for their service and the other referral had no openings. Which would leave me with having to pay out of pocket for any other traditional counselor and I cannot afford that. 

So anyhow, the school situation has gotten horrible. The group of boys is still in class together and it has gotten so bad that teachers have had to physically intervene and separate the boys. Every day there is a new story of who said what and who is friends with who. The boys have gotten excluded from class trips, have received lunch detention, have been threatened with suspension, have had meetings with the social worker to mediate and diffuse the situation. Things will be good for a week and then it’s drama again. 

I’ve went to the school to talk with my son and the principal. She has told my son to “ignore it because they are just words”. She said “it’s going to only get worse in middle school and you have to learn to block out some things”. I agreed with her to an extent. Life is cruel. People are mean. There will always be situations and environments where you don’t like someone. I spoke to my son about picking and choosing his battles. I told him that he can’t get upset about every little comment but to get upset about the malicious and really hurtful ones. I’ve given examples of how he could respond to the minor, not so hurtful comments. I told him when someone comes up to him to tell him that another boy doesn’t like him, then he should say “I don’t really care what he thinks”. 

This week everything went downhill. Yesterday, my son came home saying he doesn’t want to go back to school. He said “I don’t want to see them anymore”. He said “I don’t want to keep fighting them”.  I told him that he had to go and that I would talk to the principal because apparently, there was a situation that took place yesterday and I was not made aware of it. 

So the principal this morning told me that she didn’t get a chance to call me yesterday because she had a lot of obligations. She called me later this afternoon to tell me what happened. She said that in the schoolyard during recess, a boy went up to my son to tell him that the other boys were talking about him. This boy proceeded to run back and forth between my son and the other two boys to instigate. The principals exact words were “the other boy was instigating and provoking”. Then the other two boys came up to my son to confront him so now it was 3 against 1. One of the boys, in the principal’s words, “lunged” at my son. He apparently swung at my son but missed. My son grabbed his hand and did a hold on him that he learned in karate class. Teachers then intervened and my son had to talk with the principal and she then did an investigation. Later that day, my son went to use the bathroom alone. One of the boys involved in the first altercation saw my son going into the bathroom. He followed him into the bathroom. One of the teachers saw this and went in to see what was going on. According to the principal, this boy went to punch my son but missed and my son then hit him. 

So the principal then tells me that if this continues, my son will be suspended and the other two boys will have consequences as well. I asked if the other two boys will be suspended as well. She said no because although they attempted to hit my son, their hit didn’t land or make actual contact. My son, however, although in self defense, did land his hit and because of a hands off policy at school, he can get suspended. The other boys would just not be allowed on the next two school trips. 

I obviously became very upset at this unfair and one sided punishment. I told her that if she suspended my son and not the other two boys, then I would take it to a higher level and she can justify not suspending the other boys involved who started the fight, because their hits “didn’t land”.  

I did yell at her, not even gonna lie. And the F bomb was used. Not at her but in the sentence. She then hung up. She was called back and yelled at again for being ridiculous and unfair and she said that she is being “verbally assaulted” and hung up again. 

So she can’t tolerate an angry parent yelling and hangs up the minute voices get raised, yet my son should “get a tougher skin” and “ignore it”. A child who is around his peers all day every day should learn better coping techniques yet she hangs up within five seconds of being yelled at. 

Maybe she should develop a “thicker skin”. 

So now I will be going to my local elementary school this coming week to have him transferred. He’s actually not in his zoned school right now. This is a neighborhood we no longer live in but I chose to keep him in because I didn’t want to pull him out after he made friends. That will all change come Monday. I will not force him to return to a setting where he is within feet of a group of boys that he has ongoing issues with and a school that obviously has no clue on how to prevent these situations from happening and has no alternatives other than to stick my son in a Kindergarten class. This will only continue to get worse and I can’t imagine how my son must have felt yesterday when he was attacked twice in one day. 

The principal told me that he cannot hit even in self defense. I understand that schools cannot promote hitting, even if in the name of self defense. But we also can’t teach our kids that you should just be a victim and there will be no consequences for the other party. I will never teach my son to be a victim and I will always reinforce that you have a right to defend yourself. Because next time it will be more than one kid following  him into the bathroom. I’m glad he made it known that he will and can defend himself. 

His school talks about anti-bullying and hangs their anti bullying posters all over the school. The principal makes a morning announcement every day about being kind and keeping your hands to yourself. Yet when the bullying situations occur, they aren’t handled properly. Telling kids to ignore hurtful words and to be made to feel like a criminal when they defend themselves is sending the wrong message. It is not realistic to tell a child to consistently ignore malicious words from their peers. It is not realistic to say keep calm and to not react. It is unrealistic to say that you should not let unkind words hurt you and effect your mood. Bullying is an epidemic and more and more children are committing suicide because of improper handling of bullying situations and peer issues. My son tells me consistently that he does not want to go to school because he is having a hard time dealing with the situation. These boys are kept together within feet of each other every day when it has been proven over and over again that they need to be kept separate. The school is very small and does not have alternate rooms for them to go to. 

I hope that when I go to our zoned school to have him transferred, things will go smoothly and he can begin attending immediately. I can’t imagine having him return to his current school for another school year. 

If just for a day


If you could be the opposite sex just for a day, would you? More importantly, what would you do during those 24 hours? 
If you are a man, do you wonder what sex feels like for a woman? How it feels to have to squat when using a public restroom or maybe how it feels to get doors opened for you and dinner and a movie paid for.

Most guys that I asked said that they definitely want to know how sex feels to a woman. One guy said that he would like to know how sexism feels and to know what it’s like to get cat called and hit on all day. 

Women. What would you do if you were a man for a day? One female I asked said she wants to know what it’s like to go to the bathroom standing up. I actually want to know how it feels to not only pee standing up, but how it feels to pee standing up next to a random stranger. Another female said she wants to know how it feels to play with a female’s emotions and to cheat and another woman said that she would HAVE to know what sex feels like to a man. She said she knows it must be amazing because men go crazy for it. 

Perhaps living as the opposite sex would also give us more insight into some of the struggles that the opposite sex faces and we could have a better understanding and appreciation for them. I’ve always thought there must be a lot of pressure on a man to be the provider of the family. Maybe it’s discouraging to keep paying for dates that lead nowhere. And perhaps men could see how difficult it is to be the primary caregiver of a child. Or even how difficult it is for a woman to achieve an orgasm. Perhaps women would understand the pressure on a man to make a woman achieve an orgasm as well. 

So if you could be the opposite sex for one day, what would you do and what would you want to know?

Que sera sera


In life, people are going to let you down. This, unfortunately, is an unavoidable fact. There will be people who you went to the moon and back for and they would never think to return the favor when you are in need. 
There are people who will take advantage of your kindness. They will lie to you and betray you. They will be nice to you when they need something and then turn their back when they are in a better place. 

Although there will be times when this cannot be foreseen, often times it can be. So many times after a situation like this happens, we say that we had a bad feeling from the beginning or that something never quite seemed right. If we learned to listen to the little voice inside our head that alerts us when something is off, we would probably avoid many problems. 

I used to ignore the voice in my head, the feeling in my gut. I used to make excuses and tell myself I was “just being paranoid.” I don’t do that anymore and I have avoided a lot of potentially disappointing situations. I now recognize when something doesn’t add up and I move on. I no longer doubt myself or apologize for having standards. This may lead to times of feeling alone or feeling like you don’t really have anybody, but in the end it will reveal who truly values you and is not just there when you can benefit them. 

Freedom

The older you get, the less you care about other people’s opinion of you. It is a great feeling to not be mentally binded by trying to please or conform. 

In life, things don’t always go our way. Especially when we are younger, we tend to worry about fitting in, not upsetting people or not wanting to come off the “wrong way”. Sometimes we ignore things that bother us or turn a blind eye to something that is not right because we would rather be a part of something than to stand alone.

I used to have a lot of anxiety and was constantly stressed because I would continue to keep myself in negative situations. I no longer have that problem because I have learned to identify when something is not right or when someone does not have my best interest at hand and I remove myself. This goes for both romantic relationships and friendships. 

Life goes on and time waits for no one. Make sure that you live your life to your fullest potential and don’t let anyone or anything stand in the way of what you really want and what makes you happy. Do not worry if someone else does not like what you are doing and don’t seek validation from others. Do what you feel in your heart and everything else will fall into place. 

Queen Bey

So I’ve been a long time fan of Beyoncé. Ever since she was in Destiny’s Child. I was listening to a Beyoncé playlist on Spotify while driving home the other night and there are seriously so many songs that she has done over the course of her career that there is no way I could pick a favorite. Or even a top five for that matter. I was thinking about her videos and started pondering which ones would be on my all time top ten list. 

I would like to share my ten most favorite music videos of Beyonce’s. Not necessarily because of the song alone, but that combined with the visual appeal. Please feel free to share and comment which is your favorite Beyoncé song or video. 

1. Get Me Bodied-This is one of my all time favorite feel good songs. Not just from Beyoncé but in general. This song always makes me feel good and I find it hard to sit still when I hear it. I absolutely loved the video when it first came out and loved that she had the former D.C. members and her sister, Solange, featured in it. Who can resist dancing when you hear Bey naming those classic dances?

2. Ring the Alarm- This is a personal favorite for me because what woman can say that they haven’t been in a relationship or came out of a relationship where they felt cheated? Like you gave your all just for him to move on to someone new. We all have a little bit of crazy in us (some more than others) and this definitely expresses what a lot of women have felt. 

3. Listen-This song is off of the Dreamgirls soundtrack. This song has a lot of personal meaning to me because it encompasses what I felt during the last few years of my past relationship. I felt very trapped and it’s like I was dying inside. He was very verbally and psychologically abusive and loved to tell me that I would be nothing without him. He never seemed to understand or care how unhappy I was and thought that as long as he paid rent, I should be happy. I remember belting this song out when I was home alone because it is exactly what I was feeling. I used to tell my mom and friends that my home doesn’t feel like home and then I heard Beyoncé say “I am alone at a crossroads. I’m not at home in my own home. And I tried and tried to say what’s on my mind. You should have known.”

4. Crazy In Love-This was the first video Beyoncé made during her solo career after Destinys Child. She is not done up but still looks beautiful. She gave us the “uh oh” dance and her legs are giving me life in those shorts. This was the first song her and Jay didntogether after “03 Bonnie and Clyde” and they had a definite chemistry. 

5. If I Were a Boy-how many times do we say that men would never be able to handle it if we did to them what they do to us all the time? Every lyric in this song is relatable to women and shows the many double standards that exist in relationships. I love the twist at the end where she is the one doing dirty and he uses the “how do you think that makes me feel?” Line on her. 

6. Upgrade You-Every strong man has a strong woman in his corner. “I can do for you what Martin did for the people. Ran by the men but the women keep the tempo. It’s very seldom that you’re blessed to find your equal. Still play my part but let you take the lead role”

7. Hold Up-I think I like this song so much because it is an updated version of Ring the Alarm and anything that’s a little crazy appeals to me. I love her yellow dress and her willingness to admit that even Bey gets insecure and jealous. “What’s worse? Looking jealous or crazy. More like being walked all over lately, I’d rather be crazy”. 

8. Single Ladies- this is another feel good song and I would be lying if I didn’t say that I didn’t memorize the choreographed dance routine in this video. It was mocked on multiple forums and the best was Justin Timberlakes rendition of the famous video on Saturday Night Live. This song is played at every party and wedding reception and woman love doing the wrist twist.

9. Run The World- This video is very visually appealing to me and Beyoncé said she received inspiration for this video by the different dances and cultures she saw when she took time off to travel. “Boy you know you love it how we smart enough to make these millions. Strong enough to bear the children. Then get back to business”. 

10. Irreplaceable-this song gave us the famous “to the left” line. “To the left to the left. Everything you own in a box to the left”. A message to all that you are NOT irreplaceable. I think most woman can say they have sung this song after a breakup or when in the end stages of a failed relationship. 

Autistic caregiver shot by police


A behavioral therapist in Miami who worked with an autistic patient in an assisted living facility was shot by police on Monday.

The autistic individual left the facility and was seen wandering around in the street. Police received a call that an armed man was walking around threatening suicide. The therapist followed the individual to try to get him back to his home. When police arrived they had their weapons drawn, so the therapist laid on his back on the floor with his hands up in the air to show that he was unarmed and not a threat. He yelled out to the officers that he was a therapist, that the young man had a disability and was not holding a gun, but a toy truck. 

While laying on the floor, with his hands still in the air, the therapist was shot in the leg. Even after being shot he still kept his hands raised and said that he knew he had been shot. The officers then rolled him on to his stomach and handcuffed him. He asked the officer why he shot him and he said the officer responded, “I don’t know”. 

I would love to see how this story ends.

Baby girl you’re a star.

Baby girl you’re a star, don’t let him tell you you’re not.

The right person will bring out the best in you, not the stress in you. What does that mean? That means that with the right person, you will flourish. You will smile. You will be happy. You will glow. You will be secure and confident in yourself and in your relationship. You will not do things that are out of character. I know when I am not with the right person because I do things that are not typical of me. My inner balance is completely off. 

There is someone who was in my life for the past year and I was stressed 90% of our relationship. Constant worrying and insecurity. It was noticeable to everyone around me, including family, friends and co-workers. I am naturally a social, friendly and fun person to be around. But this person brought out anxiety, fear and insecurity. When he is not around, I am good. Easy going. Calm. But as soon as I am with him, everything gets disrupted. This person is surrounded by drama and he brings that into all of his relationships. I don’t think he can function without it and it took a major toll on my mental well being. 

I then met someone who was the complete opposite of his personality and I noticed an immediate change in my disposition. My friends and family all told me that I am “normal” again. It felt so good to not be constantly worried about what was going to happen. To not question my relationship all of the time. To have someone consistent. It didn’t work out in the end but I learned from that relationship what I do want. I learned that a relationship can exist without drama. And it feels good. 

Having drama in a relationship is like a drug. It is actually addicting and very toxic. Drama creates an adrenaline like feeling, a high and then when you make up, its like coming down from the high. More drama is needed to experience that high feeling again. You end up in an endless cycle of make ups and break ups. 

The older I get, the more I see how unhealthy that cycle is and the more I know that I do not ever want another relationship like that again. I have learned when to let go and when to move on. 

Lemonade: A Visual Album by Beyoncé 

 

  What’s worse…..looking jealous or looking crazy? 

  I ain’t thinkin bout you……middle fingers up. Wave it in his face, tell him boy bye.

  From Monday to Friday she has tears in her eyes. From Friday to Sunday she has stars in her eyes 
  
  
My daddy warned me about men like you. He said baby girl he’s playin you.

   
  Why do you deny yourself heaven? Why do you think you are undeserving?

  Forgiveness: If we’re gonna heal, let it be glorious. 

“And I know I promised I wouldn’t stay, every promise don’t work out that way.” 

  
Imma keep running cause a winner don’t quit on themselves.

Nothing REAL can be threatened.

That’s Creepy

  
A group of college students conducted a survey to find out what people consider “creepy”. Participants were given a wide range of attributes and told to pick which they considered to be “creepy” and in what order. 

Results show that what people consider most to make someone appear “creepy” are:

-Long fingers

-Greasy hair

-Laughing at inappropriate times

-Pasty skin

-Undereye bags

-Standing too close

If I had to add something to this list that I consider creepy, it would be someone who stares and someone smirking for no reason.