If just for a day

If you could be the opposite sex just for a day, would you? More importantly, what would you do during those 24 hours? 
If you are a man, do you wonder what sex feels like for a woman? How it feels to have to squat when using a public restroom or maybe how it feels to get doors opened for you and dinner and a movie paid for.

Most guys that I asked said that they definitely want to know how sex feels to a woman. One guy said that he would like to know how sexism feels and to know what it’s like to get cat called and hit on all day. 

Women. What would you do if you were a man for a day? One female I asked said she wants to know what it’s like to go to the bathroom standing up. I actually want to know how it feels to not only pee standing up, but how it feels to pee standing up next to a random stranger. Another female said she wants to know how it feels to play with a female’s emotions and to cheat and another woman said that she would HAVE to know what sex feels like to a man. She said she knows it must be amazing because men go crazy for it. 

Perhaps living as the opposite sex would also give us more insight into some of the struggles that the opposite sex faces and we could have a better understanding and appreciation for them. I’ve always thought there must be a lot of pressure on a man to be the provider of the family. Maybe it’s discouraging to keep paying for dates that lead nowhere. And perhaps men could see how difficult it is to be the primary caregiver of a child. Or even how difficult it is for a woman to achieve an orgasm. Perhaps women would understand the pressure on a man to make a woman achieve an orgasm as well. 

So if you could be the opposite sex for one day, what would you do and what would you want to know?

Baby girl you’re a star.

Baby girl you’re a star, don’t let him tell you you’re not.

The right person will bring out the best in you, not the stress in you. What does that mean? That means that with the right person, you will flourish. You will smile. You will be happy. You will glow. You will be secure and confident in yourself and in your relationship. You will not do things that are out of character. I know when I am not with the right person because I do things that are not typical of me. My inner balance is completely off. 

There is someone who was in my life for the past year and I was stressed 90% of our relationship. Constant worrying and insecurity. It was noticeable to everyone around me, including family, friends and co-workers. I am naturally a social, friendly and fun person to be around. But this person brought out anxiety, fear and insecurity. When he is not around, I am good. Easy going. Calm. But as soon as I am with him, everything gets disrupted. This person is surrounded by drama and he brings that into all of his relationships. I don’t think he can function without it and it took a major toll on my mental well being. 

I then met someone who was the complete opposite of his personality and I noticed an immediate change in my disposition. My friends and family all told me that I am “normal” again. It felt so good to not be constantly worried about what was going to happen. To not question my relationship all of the time. To have someone consistent. It didn’t work out in the end but I learned from that relationship what I do want. I learned that a relationship can exist without drama. And it feels good. 

Having drama in a relationship is like a drug. It is actually addicting and very toxic. Drama creates an adrenaline like feeling, a high and then when you make up, its like coming down from the high. More drama is needed to experience that high feeling again. You end up in an endless cycle of make ups and break ups. 

The older I get, the more I see how unhealthy that cycle is and the more I know that I do not ever want another relationship like that again. I have learned when to let go and when to move on. 

Lemonade: A Visual Album by Beyoncé 


  What’s worse…..looking jealous or looking crazy? 

  I ain’t thinkin bout you……middle fingers up. Wave it in his face, tell him boy bye.

  From Monday to Friday she has tears in her eyes. From Friday to Sunday she has stars in her eyes 
My daddy warned me about men like you. He said baby girl he’s playin you.

  Why do you deny yourself heaven? Why do you think you are undeserving?

  Forgiveness: If we’re gonna heal, let it be glorious. 

“And I know I promised I wouldn’t stay, every promise don’t work out that way.” 

Imma keep running cause a winner don’t quit on themselves.

Nothing REAL can be threatened.

Dating Tips 101: Several steps to Take to Make Sure It’s Real

Image result for dating

There are never any guarantees when it comes to relationships and love.  But there are certainly some steps that you can take to make the odds work out a little more in your favor.  If you are looking for more than a hook up and want someone who will respect you, there are certain things that you shouldn’t do.  Of course, there are exceptions to every rule and what works for some might now work for others.  But in my experience, if you want to ensure that he is spending time with you out of genuine interest and a desire to get to know more about you, you should not:

GO TO HIS HOUSE/HAVE SEX WITHIN THE FIRST FEW DATES:  I’m not going to give a set amount of time that you should wait before having sex, but if it is the beginning of the relationship, having sex can send out the message that you just want to have fun.  He may very well still try to pursue you after that, but what if he doesn’t?  Often times, men stop putting in as much effort after they get the goods.  There is no longer anything for them to work for.  Your body is the golden ticket and gives the man something to work towards, an incentive.  Don’t let him have dessert before the main course. If you hold out and sex was all he wanted, he will surely fade away.  This can hurt, but at least you still have your dignity.

COME OUT OF POCKET:  The same idea lies here as with the first rule.  A man who isn’t looking for anything serious is not going to continue taking you out and paying for your dates.  Especially if you are not having sex yet.  When you allow a man to pay, you get a pretty good sense of how serious he takes you and what his true intentions are.  This has nothing to do with being a gold digger or getting a “free meal”.  As women, we have to keep our guards up and it is so hard to tell when a man wants to be with you or when he just wants a hook up.  This is one of the most surefire ways to see where his head is.  If he genuinely likes you, treating you to dinner or any other date you go on will not be an issue to him.  I have had men tell me that a woman should never come out of pocket in the beginning because this sets the tone for the rest of the relationship.  Men are creatures of habit, if you start paying in the beginning it will most likely be expected every time. This will also make him think that you have lower standards as far as what you expect from him. Once a relationship has been established, there is nothing wrong with taking turns and treating your man once in a while, but that is once you are secure and know where you stand. I have had guys ask me out on a date and then ask if I can pay for myself.  When I said no, they cancelled on me.  It sucks but at least now I know where his mind was.

DISCLOSE TOO MUCH INFORMATION:  It’s not a good idea to give too much information in the beginning  about all the men that have hurt you or used you.  Telling a guy that hasn’t yet gotten to really know you that all of your exes cheated on you or used you will certainly raise a red flag.  He might wonder why you are always getting cheated on or think you are a common factor each time.  He might wonder why it was so easy to take advantage of you.  Allow him to get to know the real you first and then you can disclose past experiences little by little and vice versa.  Make sure he opens up to you as well.  Don’t allow yourself to be vulnerable too early on.

The Rating Game

sex and the citySo this is a re-post of a blog that I wrote on BallerAlert.com.  I got quite a few interesting comments on this topic.  So while lounging around on a lazy Sunday morning, I came upon a Sex and the City marathon on TV.  What better way to spend a Sunday morning than in my pajamas with a cup of coffee and back to back episodes of one of the best shows ever (just my opinion).  So Carrie (played by Sarah Jessica Parker) and Samantha (played by Kim Cattrall), were walking in the city and talking about their friend, Charlotte, who recently had a guy fall asleep on her during sex.  Samantha said that this obviously means that Charlotte was bad in bed. Carrie then ponders to herself, “how DO we know whether or not we are good in bed?”.  This got me thinking the same thing.  I think that if someone falls asleep on us during the act, it is safe to say that they were not amused.  But other than something as obvious as that, how do we really know.  Are we being rated on our performance during the act?  Are we rating our partner in our mind during sex?  I’m not going to lie, there have been times when I was not into it or just didn’t feel that chemistry and in my mind I just wanted it to be over with.  There have been times I did not enjoy it but gave it another shot hoping it would get better the second time. I thin it’s safe to say that plenty of women have “faked it” during sex and the guy walks away thinking he did something spectacular.  But how do women know if a guy genuinely enjoyed himself?  Do guys fake their way through sex as well?  Also, is there a way to tell if someone is good in bed before you sleep with them?  Samantha on Sex and the City said she never met a man that was bad in bed but good in life.  I have a little theory myself that always seems to prove true.  I have found that they way a guy dances is a direct reflection of how he performs in bed.  If he has rhythm on the floor, he has rhythm in bed as well (at least in my experience).  So ladies, do you have a go to method to determine if a guy will be able to please you in bed?  Any sure fire ways to tell if your guy enjoyed your rendezvous?