Beware: Proceed with Caution

Have you ever dealt with a toxic person? I think most of us have come across this person at some point in our lives. If you haven’t, consider yourself lucky and if you have, I think you will be able to relate to this post.

There will always be people we don’t necessarily click with, people who don’t share the same interests as us. However, some people are just plain toxic. You can interact with these people, but interactions have to be kept at a minimum to prevent the negative vibes from having an effect on you. Keep your distance from people who are never happy for the next person. People who have a hard time congratulating someone on their accomplishments. People who feel the need to constantly one up on others. In today’s society, we refer to them as “haters“. These people are very toxic and the root of their toxicity is low self esteem and a fragile ego. They have low feelings of self worth and therefore, can never be happy for the next person. How can someone who is not happy with themselves be happy for others? They can’t.

These people will never admit to being unhappy. They constantly brag about their accomplishments, their money and everything else that they have that is desirable to mask their feelings of inferiority. People like this are dangerous because they can never be a genuine friend. A friend is someone who is happy for you when something good happens, someone who listens and wants the best for you. Someone who tries to lift you up when you are feeling down. Toxic people do not display these traits. It is okay to be acquaintances with these people but maintain a safe distance as they always have ulterior motives.

Someone who feels the need to compare and to put other people down are in a constant state of self Judgement. They will never feel completely fulfilled because there are always people around them who they have to do better than. Their sense of worth and validation comes from proving that they are better than the next person. This person struggles with low self esteem and low confidence and the only way to lift these levels up is through somehow convincing themselves that they are better than you. This person only talks about their life, their hardships and their struggles. They probably do not really know anything about you because they have never cared to ask. Even if they have asked, it is just to find something new to one up you on. This person will even buy things that you have or copy your hair style, your nails, etc to prove that they do it better or look better. These people will talk badly about others because they are secretly envious of something they have, whether material or non-material. They talk badly about their “friends” when they’re not around yet smile in their face. If their friend accomplished something or is happy about something, the toxic person will smile and say congratulations but inside, they are waiting for you to mess up. Have a relationship that you are happy in? They secretly hope it fails. Boyfriend proposed to you? They wish it was their boyfriend who proposed. Got a new hair style? They will now go out and get a haircut. Going to Florida? They will now go to Europe. They are in a constant state of competition and enveloped in a never ending cycle of envy and hate. Sometimes, people envy the non material things you have, such as love, admiration, confidence etc. They are threatened by your confidence. Your independence. It kills them that you are happy.

My advice is to keep these people at bay and only disclose generic information to them as they don’t even really care and will just try to add it to their list of things to compete with you on and to talk about. Toxicity and negativity are contagious and you know what they say, “misery loves company”.

Que sera sera


In life, people are going to let you down. This, unfortunately, is an unavoidable fact. There will be people who you went to the moon and back for and they would never think to return the favor when you are in need. 
There are people who will take advantage of your kindness. They will lie to you and betray you. They will be nice to you when they need something and then turn their back when they are in a better place. 

Although there will be times when this cannot be foreseen, often times it can be. So many times after a situation like this happens, we say that we had a bad feeling from the beginning or that something never quite seemed right. If we learned to listen to the little voice inside our head that alerts us when something is off, we would probably avoid many problems. 

I used to ignore the voice in my head, the feeling in my gut. I used to make excuses and tell myself I was “just being paranoid.” I don’t do that anymore and I have avoided a lot of potentially disappointing situations. I now recognize when something doesn’t add up and I move on. I no longer doubt myself or apologize for having standards. This may lead to times of feeling alone or feeling like you don’t really have anybody, but in the end it will reveal who truly values you and is not just there when you can benefit them. 

Freedom

The older you get, the less you care about other people’s opinion of you. It is a great feeling to not be mentally binded by trying to please or conform. 

In life, things don’t always go our way. Especially when we are younger, we tend to worry about fitting in, not upsetting people or not wanting to come off the “wrong way”. Sometimes we ignore things that bother us or turn a blind eye to something that is not right because we would rather be a part of something than to stand alone.

I used to have a lot of anxiety and was constantly stressed because I would continue to keep myself in negative situations. I no longer have that problem because I have learned to identify when something is not right or when someone does not have my best interest at hand and I remove myself. This goes for both romantic relationships and friendships. 

Life goes on and time waits for no one. Make sure that you live your life to your fullest potential and don’t let anyone or anything stand in the way of what you really want and what makes you happy. Do not worry if someone else does not like what you are doing and don’t seek validation from others. Do what you feel in your heart and everything else will fall into place.