Miscommunication leads to complication

The title of this post is a line from Lauryn Hill’s ‘Lost Ones’.

I have never really been good at confronting situations that bother me. This includes everyday, typical misunderstandings. Often in the heat of the moment, I get so blinded by my emotions and so caught up in the feeling of rejection or resentment that I have a hard time putting my feelings out there and simply telling the person how what they did made me feel. I have often avoided opportunities to seek clarification on something that might not have been a big deal but because it wasn’t addressed at the time it happened, ended up snowballing into something more serious, sometimes even resulting in loss of friendship.

I think most of us have been in this situation. We assume the motives behind someone’s actions and then don’t talk to them again. Or we keep it inside and tell ourselves that we will just let it go, but then when we see the person involved in what made us upset, we have an attitude or a look on our face because the thoughts are rolling through our head. So many times someone has done something that bothered me and the next time I see them I have a look on my face that shows I am upset. The person will then ask “what’s the matter” and I reply “nothing”. When really I could have just expressed what bothered me and ended it right then and there.

I think with age and maturity comes self confidence and the less we seek approval from others. I am learning, although not completely there yet, to be more open with my feelings and not worry about how it will make me look or worry that I will offend somebody. This doesn’t always mean that it will result in a happy ending. Some people might get defensive that you confronted them. Some people might not talk to you again after that. But that’s okay. It is better than pretending that you are okay everytime you see this person or holding in something that is really pulling at you. I do think, though, that more often than not, it will result better than not saying anything at all. Sometimes the other person didn’t realize how what they said or did offended you or hurt you. Sometimes there was no malicious intent from the other person and confronting them helps you to realize it was actually very innocent.

When we don’t seek clarification, we assume and our assumptions, in turn, affect how we act towards the other party.

Recently at my job, maybe about a month ago, a woman at my job told me that something I said offended her. She has a heavy Brooklyn, Italian accent. She paged someone over the intercom. I then called her at her desk and mimicked her accent and said she reminds me of Marisa Tomei. When I saw her later that day, she told me that I hurt her feelings. She said that it is her pet peeve when people comment on her accent and she is tired of hearing the same comment from different people. I told her that I was only joking and I have a Brooklyn Italian accent as well which many people point out to me. Although it does not offend me when people point out my accent, it did offend her. She told me that she is letting me know it bothered her because we are friendly with each other and she didn’t want to keep it inside and give me an attitude. I apologized for offending her and I will not comment on her accent again. After that, everything resumed as normal between us.

So next time something bothers you, say something. You would be surprised how much better you feel after getting that weight off of your shoulders. You would also be surprised how more often than not, people are understanding of your point of view and want to clarify the misunderstanding. If they are your friend, they will listen and respect your feelings and explain. If they take offense at you confronting them or get defensive and act differently towards you afterwards, than it is more a reflection of them than it is of you.

Advertisements

Summer Nights


My favorite time of the day is sunset. When the sun is making it’s way down in the horizon and the sky is illuminated with beautiful hues of pink and purple. I’m also in love with the NYC skyline and so it’s no wonder I chose the picture above. My favorite sights to look at all at once. Although summer is no longer my favorite season, I love a summer sunset. When the temperature is not too hot yet still warm. 

Sunset is relaxing to me. There is something about sitting outside and simply admiring the sky during this time that brings peace inside and makes me feel good. It is calming and refreshing. Sometimes it’s nice to think that the people you love or perhaps someone you have lost are watching the very same sunset 

Take Your Secret to the Grave 


At Greenwood Cemetary in Brooklyn, New York, you can literally take your secret to the grave. 

The idea was introduced by a French artist by the name of Sophie Calle. Beginning Saturday, you will be able to write your secret on a piece of paper and slide it into a slit in the tombstone. 

This Saturday, on its opening day, you will also be able to personally tell your secret to the artist. 

Once the grave becomes filled up with secrets, the papers will be burned. This grave will only be open for the next quarter century.

The intent of the “burying of secrets” is not to be therapeutic, although that might be a side effect for some participants. There are two other “graves of secrets” in Geneva and in France, where Calle has her own secrets buried. 

Justin Timberlake’s selfie brings about change 


Apparently Justin Timberlake has some influence in his native Tennessee. Justin posted a selfie while in the booth on his social media page during the last election. Unfortunately, he was forced to take it down because at that time in Tennessee, it was illegal to post any pictures from inside the booths. However, Tennessee recently made it legal to do so. As long as you do not take a picture with the intent of committing voter fraud or for vote buying, it is totally fine to do so (in Tennessee at least). 

Many states do not allow pictures or video in the poll booth. 

I could see the benefit in being able to do so. I think it could help with attracting more voters, particularly younger voters. I don’t think it has to necessarily be a celebrity to be effective. Young people will want to go out and vote the more they see their peers doing so. Some might go out and vote just so they can take a selfie. Either way, I think it brings attention to the subject. I don’t think you should be able to post WHO you voted for, as many people might vote for someone just because a celebrity that they follow voted for that person. But I don’t see the harm is taking a quick pic on your way out of the booth. 

Beggars Can’t Be Picky

I hate it when people make it seem like it’s your fault that you’re single. “Maybe your standards are too high”. “Maybe you’re too picky”.  There are people who will make you feel as if you are doing something wrong because surely, if you were doing something right,  you wouldn’t be single! 

Well then I guess there’s a lot of wrong people out here because there certainly are a lot of single people! I guess we are all just so damn picky and bougie that nobody is good enough for us. (Sarcasm here).

The other day, I made a comment that I would probably not date someone if they didn’t drive. I’ve dated non-drivers before and say this based on experience. I have no problem taking turns with driving but I definitely don’t want to be the only one doing the driving. When I said that if someone didn’t drive it would be a no go for me, another woman proceeded to say “well beggars can’t be picky”.  

I guess it s a good thing that I’m not begging. I found her comment to be insulting and a bit ballsy. First of all, just because I am dating and looking for a relationship doesn’t mean I’m “begging” or desperate. I guess she was trying to say that if I really want to be with someone, I might have to forgo the driving preference. But I don’t agree. Just because I am looking for a relationship doesn’t mean that all preferences and standards have to go out the door. So many women “settle” and accept things that they genuinely don’t want to just so that they have a partner. I know some of these people personally. I don’t want to be one of those people. My standards or preferences or whatever you want to call them are already pretty basic. It’s not like I’m asking for furs and diamonds (I totally don’t wear real fur btw). My three basic tenets are that you have a decent job, have a car and treat me good. I do prefer someone with their own place and have foregone that plenty. So now I’m supposed to negotiate on the three other basic preferences I have? Before you know it, I’ll be doing all the driving, paying for the dates AND waking up to your mom in the morning. But it’s okay. As long as I have someone right?

Happy National Margarita Day!


Every year in the United States, February 22nd is National Margarita Day. The margarita is the most common, tequila based cocktail in the United States. 

A margarita is a cocktail that consists of triple sec, tequila and lime or lemon juice. It is also garnished with salt around the rim. You can order your margarita shaken with ice (on the rocks), blended with ice (frozen) or without ice (straight up). It also comes in a variety of flavors including strawberry (my personal fave), mango, limeade, watermelon, pomegranate and raspberry. 

There are many stories about the origin of the margarita, but all agree it started somewhere between the 1930’s and 1940’s. One of the earliest stories attributes the drink to a restaurant owner by the name of Carlos “Danny” Herrera. His restaurant was called “Rancho La Gloria” and was located between Tijuana and Rosario, Mexico. Supposedly, he created the margarita for a customer, Marjorie King, who was allergic to many spirits except tequila. 


Pictured above, the Coronorita is one of my favorite drinks. It is basically a beer cocktail with a bottle of Corona turned upside down into a frozen margarita. 

What’s Your Favorite Cover?

Imitation is the highest form of flattery, right?

Many songs have been covered by another artist later in time.  Sometimes, the cover turns out to be better than the original.  I wanted to share some originals and their covers with you and please feel free to comment some of your favorite covers as well.  Hope you enjoy 🙂

1- Etta James ‘At Last’.  Cover done by Beyoncé

 

 

2- Fleetwood Mac ‘Landslide’.  Cover by The Dixie Chicks

 

 

3-Queen ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’.  Cover done by Panic at the Disco.  *I first learned about Bohemian Rhapsody when I watched “Wayne’s World” in the 90’s. My son introduced me to the cover recently as  Panic at the Disco is one of his favorite groups.  This is a pretty difficult song to cover and while nothing can beat Queen’s version, I think the Panic boys did a pretty good job.

 

 

4-Dolly Parton ‘I Will Always Love You’.  Cover by Whitney Houston.  This is probably one example where I like the cover way more than the original.  This song was meant for Whitney.

 

 

 

5-  Chaka Khan ‘I’m Every Woman’.  Cover done by Whitney Houston.  *I don’t think it’s possible for Whitney to NOT kill any song she sings.

 

 

6-DeBarge ‘Love Me In a Special Way’. Cover done by Tamia.  *Tamia makes any song that she sings sound amazingly beautiful.

 

 

7- Frankie Valli ‘Can’t Take My Eyes off of You’.  Cover done by Lauryn Hill.

 

 

8-Betty Hutton ‘It’s Oh So Quiet’. Cover done by Bjork.

 

Do you wear your wedding band?

The other day I was watching my son during  karate class and I noticed one of the fathers standing next to me wasn’t wearing his wedding ring. Then I looked at another father and he didn’t have on his wedding ring, either. I’ve known many married men that do not wear their wedding ring. Most married women I know do wear their wedding ring, however.

I posted on Facebook and asked my friends if they wear their wedding ring. The majority answered that they do not and neither does their partner. One of my female friends said that she is busy with her three kids and simply does not remember to put it on. She said that her husband does wear his band but she wouldn’t mind if he didn’t. They have been married for about 11 years. Another woman that has been married for 20 years said that neither her nor her husband wear their bands.She also said that they have been married for so long neither one of them cares.

One Facebook friend who is newly married said she would be very upset if her husband didn’t wear his band. I agreed and said I would be upset too, but then again I’m not married and maybe after 10-20 years it wouldn’t be a deal breaker to me either.

So is it that longer married couples don’t wear their wedding bands as frequently as newly married couples? Does your wedding band become another fancy piece of jewelry that only gets worn on special occasions, or maybe never at all? I always looked at the wedding band as a symbol of your vows and commitment to one another and I personally feel there is a level of disrespect when you do not wear it. 

What do you think? Do you or your partner always wear your wedding ring, and why?

Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day


Today marks the 75th anniversary of the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor.  On December 7th, 1941, the Japanese navy attacked the United States naval base at Pearl Harbor, Hawaii. This event is what led to the United States entry into World War II. 

The attack was meant to be a preventive measure to ensure that the US Pacific fleet would not interfere with Japanese plans to attack overseas territories. The US had moved their fleet from San Diego to Pearl Harbor prior to that to discourage Japanese aggression in the Far East. 2,403 Americans died as a result of the attack. The following day, the United States declared war on Japan. Later, Nazi Germany and Fascist Italy would declare war on the US and vice versa. 

Franklin Delano Roosevelt, President of the United States, declared December 7th, 1941, a “day which will live in infamy”. The attack was declared at the Tokyo Trials to be a war crime because of its unexpected nature.