Real life vs. Social Media

http://cristianmihai.net/2018/02/10/real-life-vs-social-media/

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Human nature

If someone really wants to be with you, they will. No one is ever too busy or “dealing with a lot” when they are genuinely interested in you. Those are easy excuses for someone that either is just not that into you or is too lazy to put in any effort.

Do not make excuses or try to rationalize this in your mind. It is what it is. As women, we try to be “understanding”. We don’t want to come off as too pushy or impatient. And you shouldn’t be. I am not saying to chase this person or to settle for their non-chalant attitude towards you. I am saying to leave it alone. It is ok to ask where the relationship is going or how the other person feels about you. But if their actions don’t match their words, you have to make a move.

It is a known fact that when a man is interested in a woman, he will pursue her. He will not be lazy about it because he doesn’t want another man to get to her. Men are territorial by nature and they go after what they want.

All you need to do is look at the animal kingdom for proof of this. Watch any National Geographic show or Planet Earth on Netflix and you will see what I mean. In almost any species of animal, the man pursues his female conquest and he goes hard for her. He might do a dance for her. He might fight another male competitor for her. He makes all sorts of noises to express his interest.

I watched Planet Earth the other day and saw Kimono Dragons fighting for a female dragon. I saw a male bird return to an island to meet up with his female counterpart that he meets every year in the same place to mate. He sat there alone and focused and sat patiently waiting for her to show up. I saw a sloth climb through trees and swim across a river when he heard a female on a neighboring island. A pack of male flamingos were literally marching in formation to impress a woman. Don’t believe me? Look at this vid below

Females in nature do not pick a male that does not pursue her. She picks the male who fights for her attention. The man who shows he will stop at nothing to have her. She knows she is the object of his desire and knows that he has to win her love. I never saw a female animal say “maybe he’s just busy” or “maybe it’s something I did”.

I’m not saying that the next man you are interested in should tap dance for you or get in a fist fight for you , but I am saying that you should recognize your worth and don’t feel guilty about making someone put effort into wooing you.

20’s V. 30’s

It’s amazing how much things can change in ten years. I often laugh at how different I am now in comparison to ten years ago. What used to be considered “fun” is no longer desirable. What used to be important now seems so trivial.

Here is a little list that I’m sure many can relate to and maybe you’ll get a good laugh from it. Feel free to add any other items you can think of or if you are older, let me know how this list will change once again.

Enjoy!

20’s: Party all night then go straight to work

30’s: Party then needs to call out sick from work

20’s: Doesn’t get to club until midnight

30’s: Prefers daytime activities so they can be in bed by midnight

20’s: Loves being in big crowds and is tolerant of being bumped by random ppl

30’s: Gets anxiety attack and flips after being bumped more than once

20’s: Likes going to clubs and house parties

30’s: Likes dinners, shows or paint and sip

20’s: Drinks one too many cranberry vodkas even though history shows the night will end leaning over a toilet

30’s: Drinks one glass of alcohol and can’t keep their eyes open

20’s: Go to work/school then come home and get ready for your night out while listening to party music to get you pumped up

30’s: Go to work then come home and get straight into pajamas and watch your DVR recordings

20’s: Gets pissed if plans get cancelled

30’s: Prays that plans get cancelled

20’s: Enjoys hearing all the latest gossip

30’s: Too tired and concerned with paying my bills to worry about other people’s drama

20’s: Thinks life will end if relationship doesn’t work out

30’s: Looks back on past relationships and thinks “thank goodness that didn’t work out!”

20’s: Self conscious about being naked in front of a partner and critiques every “flaw” she has

30’s: Looks at her body and thinks “I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly!”

20‘s: I can’t wait to get home and talk on the phone for hours

30‘s: “Eh, we’ll talk when I see you”

20‘s: I can’t wait to live on my own and work and pay bills and be independent

30‘s: “OMG it’s like I’m working just to pay bills!”

Happy New Year’s!

Happy New Year’s everyone! The New Year begins on a Monday. What better day to start a new beginning? I am not a big fan of making resolutions but I don’t think it hurts to say that you should continue to grow and evolve and be a better version of yourself. This will mean different things for different people depending where you are in life. Leave negativity behind or do your best to avoid it. You will always encounter unpleasant people and situations but we often have the choice to entertain the negativity or to walk away from it. A major part of making yourself happy is changing the way you react to situations. Some situations require no action at all. Surround yourself with positive people, successful people, people who are happy to see you grow and who want to grow with you. Follow your gut and listen to your heart.

Happy 2018!

A Mother’s Love

It wasn’t until I became a mom that I learned what unconditional love is. I always THOUGHT I knew what it meant to love someone unconditionally but now that I’m a mother, I realize that I didn’t.

As a mother, we put our children’s needs before our own. It doesn’t matter if you’re upset or tired, having a bad day or just not in the mood. We keep going and we put our best foot forward and do our best to be strong for our children. We drive between recreational activities, sports practices, dance rehearsals etc. because we want our children to get the most out of life and to be happy in spite of whatever fatigue or emotions we are feeling. It makes us happy seeing our children happy. We want our children to be better than we were, to have more opportunities and experiences than we did. To realize that they can truly be anything that they want to be. We wait up at night for them to come home. We get worried when we don’t hear from them. It breaks our heart to see them sad or hurt. We do what sometimes feels like the impossible to keep a smile on their face.

Being a mom encompasses many different roles. We are counselors, chefs, drivers, cheerleaders, homework helpers, coaches, alarm clocks, nurses. Just to name a few. We are our children’s backbone and strength. We are their protector and their guidance. We are there to motivate and instill our morals and values upon them, while at the same time allowing them to explore themselves as an individuals separate from ourselves, in hopes that they will become a responsible and respectful member of society.

We look past their flaws and mistakes. We hug and kiss them good night and good morning even when they drove us crazy. We see their full potential and sometimes we even sacrifice our dreams so that they can reach theirs. We put our needs second to theirs because we love them unconditionally.

Miscommunication leads to complication

The title of this post is a line from Lauryn Hill’s ‘Lost Ones’.

I have never really been good at confronting situations that bother me. This includes everyday, typical misunderstandings. Often in the heat of the moment, I get so blinded by my emotions and so caught up in the feeling of rejection or resentment that I have a hard time putting my feelings out there and simply telling the person how what they did made me feel. I have often avoided opportunities to seek clarification on something that might not have been a big deal but because it wasn’t addressed at the time it happened, ended up snowballing into something more serious, sometimes even resulting in loss of friendship.

I think most of us have been in this situation. We assume the motives behind someone’s actions and then don’t talk to them again. Or we keep it inside and tell ourselves that we will just let it go, but then when we see the person involved in what made us upset, we have an attitude or a look on our face because the thoughts are rolling through our head. So many times someone has done something that bothered me and the next time I see them I have a look on my face that shows I am upset. The person will then ask “what’s the matter” and I reply “nothing”. When really I could have just expressed what bothered me and ended it right then and there.

I think with age and maturity comes self confidence and the less we seek approval from others. I am learning, although not completely there yet, to be more open with my feelings and not worry about how it will make me look or worry that I will offend somebody. This doesn’t always mean that it will result in a happy ending. Some people might get defensive that you confronted them. Some people might not talk to you again after that. But that’s okay. It is better than pretending that you are okay everytime you see this person or holding in something that is really pulling at you. I do think, though, that more often than not, it will result better than not saying anything at all. Sometimes the other person didn’t realize how what they said or did offended you or hurt you. Sometimes there was no malicious intent from the other person and confronting them helps you to realize it was actually very innocent.

When we don’t seek clarification, we assume and our assumptions, in turn, affect how we act towards the other party.

Recently at my job, maybe about a month ago, a woman at my job told me that something I said offended her. She has a heavy Brooklyn, Italian accent. She paged someone over the intercom. I then called her at her desk and mimicked her accent and said she reminds me of Marisa Tomei. When I saw her later that day, she told me that I hurt her feelings. She said that it is her pet peeve when people comment on her accent and she is tired of hearing the same comment from different people. I told her that I was only joking and I have a Brooklyn Italian accent as well which many people point out to me. Although it does not offend me when people point out my accent, it did offend her. She told me that she is letting me know it bothered her because we are friendly with each other and she didn’t want to keep it inside and give me an attitude. I apologized for offending her and I will not comment on her accent again. After that, everything resumed as normal between us.

So next time something bothers you, say something. You would be surprised how much better you feel after getting that weight off of your shoulders. You would also be surprised how more often than not, people are understanding of your point of view and want to clarify the misunderstanding. If they are your friend, they will listen and respect your feelings and explain. If they take offense at you confronting them or get defensive and act differently towards you afterwards, than it is more a reflection of them than it is of you.

Summer Nights


My favorite time of the day is sunset. When the sun is making it’s way down in the horizon and the sky is illuminated with beautiful hues of pink and purple. I’m also in love with the NYC skyline and so it’s no wonder I chose the picture above. My favorite sights to look at all at once. Although summer is no longer my favorite season, I love a summer sunset. When the temperature is not too hot yet still warm. 

Sunset is relaxing to me. There is something about sitting outside and simply admiring the sky during this time that brings peace inside and makes me feel good. It is calming and refreshing. Sometimes it’s nice to think that the people you love or perhaps someone you have lost are watching the very same sunset 

Take Your Secret to the Grave 


At Greenwood Cemetary in Brooklyn, New York, you can literally take your secret to the grave. 

The idea was introduced by a French artist by the name of Sophie Calle. Beginning Saturday, you will be able to write your secret on a piece of paper and slide it into a slit in the tombstone. 

This Saturday, on its opening day, you will also be able to personally tell your secret to the artist. 

Once the grave becomes filled up with secrets, the papers will be burned. This grave will only be open for the next quarter century.

The intent of the “burying of secrets” is not to be therapeutic, although that might be a side effect for some participants. There are two other “graves of secrets” in Geneva and in France, where Calle has her own secrets buried. 

Justin Timberlake’s selfie brings about change 


Apparently Justin Timberlake has some influence in his native Tennessee. Justin posted a selfie while in the booth on his social media page during the last election. Unfortunately, he was forced to take it down because at that time in Tennessee, it was illegal to post any pictures from inside the booths. However, Tennessee recently made it legal to do so. As long as you do not take a picture with the intent of committing voter fraud or for vote buying, it is totally fine to do so (in Tennessee at least). 

Many states do not allow pictures or video in the poll booth. 

I could see the benefit in being able to do so. I think it could help with attracting more voters, particularly younger voters. I don’t think it has to necessarily be a celebrity to be effective. Young people will want to go out and vote the more they see their peers doing so. Some might go out and vote just so they can take a selfie. Either way, I think it brings attention to the subject. I don’t think you should be able to post WHO you voted for, as many people might vote for someone just because a celebrity that they follow voted for that person. But I don’t see the harm is taking a quick pic on your way out of the booth. 

Beggars Can’t Be Picky

I hate it when people make it seem like it’s your fault that you’re single. “Maybe your standards are too high”. “Maybe you’re too picky”.  There are people who will make you feel as if you are doing something wrong because surely, if you were doing something right,  you wouldn’t be single! 

Well then I guess there’s a lot of wrong people out here because there certainly are a lot of single people! I guess we are all just so damn picky and bougie that nobody is good enough for us. (Sarcasm here).

The other day, I made a comment that I would probably not date someone if they didn’t drive. I’ve dated non-drivers before and say this based on experience. I have no problem taking turns with driving but I definitely don’t want to be the only one doing the driving. When I said that if someone didn’t drive it would be a no go for me, another woman proceeded to say “well beggars can’t be picky”.  

I guess it s a good thing that I’m not begging. I found her comment to be insulting and a bit ballsy. First of all, just because I am dating and looking for a relationship doesn’t mean I’m “begging” or desperate. I guess she was trying to say that if I really want to be with someone, I might have to forgo the driving preference. But I don’t agree. Just because I am looking for a relationship doesn’t mean that all preferences and standards have to go out the door. So many women “settle” and accept things that they genuinely don’t want to just so that they have a partner. I know some of these people personally. I don’t want to be one of those people. My standards or preferences or whatever you want to call them are already pretty basic. It’s not like I’m asking for furs and diamonds (I totally don’t wear real fur btw). My three basic tenets are that you have a decent job, have a car and treat me good. I do prefer someone with their own place and have foregone that plenty. So now I’m supposed to negotiate on the three other basic preferences I have? Before you know it, I’ll be doing all the driving, paying for the dates AND waking up to your mom in the morning. But it’s okay. As long as I have someone right?